Greek Life and Real Life

Guest essay by Amanda Kocefas, Alpha Chi Omega, Michigan State University 2011
 

Have you ever interviewed someone with fraternity or sorority experience on their resume?  Did you overlook it? Did it come up in the interview?  Maybe or maybe not, but did you ever think that someone with that experience could have that “something extra” your organization is seeking?  You should.  Almost everything I learned about accountability, recruitment and conflict management, I learned from sorority life.
 
I know what you’re thinking, “How could you possibly learn anything from pillow fights and chick flicks?”  It is commonplace for people to imagine sorority life as this fantasy-ridden, girly, imaginative adventure into oblivion, but it’s not like that at all.  In my experience, sorority life was a serious business – there were rules, standards and processes – and I was in charge of enforcing them.

Much like any business, the primary driver for a chapter is recruitment and getting the right people to join your organization.  If you are not bringing in the right people, ultimately your business and your reputation will fold.  In the instance of a failing Greek chapter, you would lose your charter and another organization will take over your house, hang up their letters and fill it with their memories.  Tell me, if the President/CEO of your company led your organization to shambles, wouldn't someone else take over?  The same basic principle applies here. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard colleagues stress how important it is that we “get the right people on the bus” in order to excel.
 
As a participant in Greek Life, our membership was contingent on upholding academic, personal and social standards.  Women who did not meet grade requirements were ineligible for participation at events and in some instances, dismissed from the organization.  Being a member of Greek Life is about contributing to the organization in a positive way that ultimately leads to philanthropic and academic successes, while still having fun.  During my final semester, I was the Director of Greek Week, a series of philanthropic events that raised over $265,000 for charity.
 
They say that there are 3 major decisions you make in life: the person you marry, the job you have and the house you buy.  I viewed joining a Greek chapter as a critical step toward my future of securing an enjoyable occupation and for a while, it was my home.  I joined for many reasons that took precedence over the social aspect – I wanted to be a part of a tradition and ritual, an organization that had true values and worked to uphold them.  It is from that ambition that I became the VP of Chapter Relations and Standards, which is essentially the same as being the head of HR.  This involved tough conversations with people who were my friends, neighbors and roommates.  This also involved dismissing women from our organization, penalizing those who jeopardized our integrity and reputation and having to be the “bad guy” in a slew of other situations.  These lessons, although tough at the time, have allowed me to develop and grow into someone who can handle conflict in the workplace and address most problems with a diplomatic approach.
 
You see, our occupations can vary across industries or functions, target audience and more, but at the end of the day, a business is a business.  It takes a team to run one, whether it is a Greek organization or a multinational corporation.  They both have an executive board, a group of people with similar interests, rules and regulations, targets/goals and a social aspect.  In Greek Life, you get out what you put in, and in my case, I feel as though I completed the most rewarding unpaid internship I didn’t apply for.  I can literally travel the world and somehow find a connection back to the people I collaborated with during my time as a Greek member.  These doors are continually opening for me.
 
In short, these experiences and leadership opportunities that I took on have prepared me to be an active and influential member of my company – investing loyalty and time into something for the greater good.  You will never hear me say “that isn’t in my job description” because I am invested in this company from the top down.  It is this attitude that allows my team to achieve things such as “Best Marketing Team” or “Investors in People” status.  It is because we come together under a united set of values and definitions of success that we are able to achieve these goals.
 
So, all that I ask is the next time you see a Greek Life organization on a resume, consider the experience and accountability that membership requires and ask questions to tap into those lessons learned.  The person you are interviewing could truly breathe life into your company’s goals – be it monetary targets, recruitment goals, or community involvement.



The author currently serves as a Junior Marketing Manager for The FiveTen Group, primarily focused on positioning Greythorn US & UK, a specialist technology staffing firm (IT), and also their legal recruitment brand, Laurence Simons. In her professional career, she hopes to travel internationally and learn the different market dynamics throughout the world, as well as manage various campaigns in such markets.
 
An alumna member of Alpha Chi Omega, Amanda has a Bachelor's degree in Advertising from Michigan State University. As an undergraduate, Amanda served on the Greek Fall Welcome Committee, as Vice President of Chapter Relations and Standards 2010 - 2011, as the Mary Beth Knox Memorial Brunch Coordinator, and as the Director of Greek Week at MSU 201, which raised $267,000 for Relay for Life & 3 local charities.  She is truly passionate about raising awareness for several non-profit organizations such as Relay For Life and One World One Future, and now the Boys and Girls Club of Chicago.  Follow her on Twitter (@mandyresh)

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15 signs that you did your fraternity/sorority undergrad years right

15.  You are wiser.  More proud.  More fulfilled.  More engaged in the world around you.  And exhausted.


14.  The last few weeks before graduation feel a lot like this...

13.  As you pack up and sort your stuff, you find that one stupid little thing that you got at that one stupid little event and that has been sitting in the bottom of a stupid little junk drawer, and it makes you grin.  And you toss into into the "KEEP" box.  


12.  The reaction from a potential employer when you explain all of the leadership skills you learned...

11. You have decided to pursue, looked up how to pursue, or even just thought for a hot second about pursuing a career in student affairs or a job as a traveling consultant.


10.   You earn a Mr. Miyagi-like look of pride from your fraternity/sorority advisors.

9.  The accomplishments, victories, and great moments are running on a loop in your brain.  So are the failures, missed opportunities, and mistakes.


8.  Lately, when you see your brothers/sisters, you just can't help yourself from...

7. You actually graduate.  With decent grades. 

6. The one brother or sister that hated you, that was a thorn in your side, that always seemed to push your buttons, gives you some small notion - whether a handshake, words of thanks, or just a smile - that he or she respects you.


5.  After saying farewell at the final chapter meeting:

4.  When invited to attend a fraternity/sorority celebration years from now, you earn an introduction like this one:

Bono introduces Frank Sinatra at the 1994 Grammys

3.  You've probably forgotten the fraternity history lessons you learned in pledging, and some of the famous names, and maybe even the Greek alphabet.  But you remember what Ritual felt like.  And after years of just reciting the creed, you now finally get it.  And believe it.


2.  You are ready for the world.

1.  The chapter is in a better position than it was when you joined, and most importantly, is in a position that can continue to thrive even when you're gone.  You harvested much, and yet, you planted more.  

Smile.  You did it right. 


  

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Framing Fraternity

There is an old leadership parable that I heard once, and has resonated with me ever since:

A woman saw three men laying bricks…
She approached the first and asked, "What are you doing?"
Annoyed, the first man answered, "What does it look like I’m doing? I’m laying bricks!"
She walked over to the second bricklayer and asked the same question.
The second man responded, "Oh, I’m making a wall."
She asked the third bricklayer the same question, "What are you doing?"
The third looked up, smiled and said, "I’m building a castle."

I believe that in life, how you frame your experiences determines how you live them.

If you believe you are laying bricks, then that’s what you will do.  And that’s the limited experience you will face when you get out of bed each morning. 

And if you believe your fraternity or sorority is just another extracurricular activity or club, then that’s all it will be.  All it can be. 

There are some things I theorize about or philosophize about on this blog, but this I know for a fact: a fraternity can be much more than just another club.  I know this because I experienced it.  Many of you reading this share this understanding.  When you go to national events and look in the faces of dedicated advisors and alumni volunteers, you can see that they know it as well.  

As a fraternity or sorority member, you hold in your hands the key to possibly the greatest leadership development vehicle ever invented.  You can choose to just park it, or leave it in neutral, or you can choose to drive.

 Pedal to the metal. Windows open. Drive.

 When a family member, or a professor, or a recruit asks you to describe fraternity, what do you tell them?  Do you recite brochure-speak, such as “we’re a social organization that fosters leadership, service, academics, and brotherhood?” (I almost fell asleep as I wrote that).  Or do you frame it as something more? 

If a fraternity is a large, awe-inspiring, and glorious fresco, we tend to talk about it like it's a wallet-size photograph of a flower pot.

If we frame fraternity to be as powerful as it truly can be, then it will cause ourselves and others to treat it with the respect it deserves.  And thus, treat it better than we do today.  Framing fraternity differently also can mean we attract those who believe in something greater, and who believe that they themselves are greater.  And then we – as fraternities – become greater. 

Before I joined a fraternity, I framed it as a traditional activity that you had to check off your list if you wanted to have the quintessential college experience.  Once I joined it, learned the values, felt the brotherhood, and let the highs and lows of leadership wash over me, I started to truly comprehend its power.  For me, it became life-altering.  And as I observe the power of fraternity from the vantage point of an alum who continues to use its teachings, I now frame fraternity as a movement to bring urgent values and vital leaders of character to a world hungry for them.

Therefore, a little something more than just another club.

Reframing can add meaning to other aspects of fraternity and sorority life as well.  Think about how our experiences could be better if we framed:

• Fraternity initiation as the starting line, and not the finish line.
• A little sister or brother program as mentorship-building and not just  friendship-building.
• Becoming an alumni as the time to accelerate fraternity and not to leave it behind.
• Community service as a chance for members to clarify personal convictions, and not just a PR opportunity.
• Chapter meetings as a weekly chance to celebrate fraternity, and not just a time to conduct business.

Reframing can change our attitude, but also our behavior.  The Greek Advisor who sees the student in their office as just another appointment will handle that conversation differently than the advisor who frames it as possibly the greatest opportunity he/she may ever have to push a young person to new heights.  The second advisor probably won’t be glancing at the clock or their email inbox throughout the conversation.

 And for those graduating soon, how are you framing this time in your life? Will your next step be to just get a job, or something more?  Maybe it's the first chapter in your manifesto on how to build a better world, for example.

So ask yourself, what kind of frame are you building for your fraternity experience?  For your life? Is it something ordinary, basic, and forgettable?  Or something truly majestic?

I see a castle.  Do you?

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The Dream Team Syndrome

It's March Madness time, so everyone has basketball fever.  I hope that your team, or your bracket, or both, are still alive!

Basketball is a compelling sport for people who love leadership like me.  There are so many lessons to be learned from the sport and how it's played.  There are moments in basketball when the five players on the court meld as one.  There are other moments when one star player just takes over the game and wills his/her team to victory.  There are also moments when some rookie kid comes in off the bench and saves the day.  In basketball, the outcome of each game can be determined in a wide variety of ways, which is why we're glued to our TVs and computer screens throughout March and April.

An entire leadership dissertation could be written from the movie Hoosiers alone.

There is one particular story from the game of basketball that I like to use when speaking to groups, especially when sending the message that group mission should always supercede individual agendas.  The thinking here emerged from my work with boards, although it can apply to any group.

I've spent time around dozens of fraternity and nonprofit boards comprised of supremely talented and successful individuals, and more often than not, I find myself baffled as to how they can be so dysfunctional as a group.  It's the Dream Team syndrome.

For those in their 20's and beyond, Dream Team doesn't likely need an explanation.  However, I'm now entirely aware of (and entirely bothered by) the fact that current college students were born in the mid 90's.

For many years, the United States (and other nations) sent its top amateur basketball players to represent our country in the summer Olympic games.  This meant college players for us.  In the late 80's, there was a push to change this practice.  Since basketball was increasing it's profile globally,  and since the International Basketball Federation wanted to increase the excitement around the sport, they made the decision to include professional players in future Olympics, starting with the 1992 games in Barcelona.  America was hesitant at first, but then want along with the plan.  Our college players had some mixed results, including a 3rd place finish in the 1998 games, so this was actually a chance to reclaim dominance in the sport of basketball internationally.


Team USA went to work to assemble what was described as the best professional sports team to ever exist.  The media quickly dubbed this ensemble "the Dream Team."  Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, Patrick Ewing, Karl Malone, and so many other hall of fame players answered the call to represent their country.

The United States then rolled through the 1992 Olympic games.  In fact, it wasn't even close.  The average scoring margin of the games was 44 points.  The rest of the world could do nothing to stop this team.  It was almost silly.

And why shouldn't it be?  Basketball was invented in America, and we have the best players in the world.  That's still true today.  Canada has hockey, Europe has soccer, and we have basketball.  We should be dominating that sport arguably more than any other in the Olympic games.  And in 1992, we did.

And in 1996.  And again in 2000 (although it was getting closer).

And then came 2004.

Up until this point, for the American people, a gold medal in basketball was a given.  We were crushing the competition.  There was more drama around who would be selected for the latest Dream Team than any of the actual games could offer.  And in 2004 in Beijing, we again sent our best.  Dwayne Wade, LeBron James, Carmelo Anthony, Tim Duncan, and Allen Iverson among others.

Something seemed off.  This team had the star power, but not the chemistry.  That caught up to them.  The rest of the world had been steadily improving their game, and we had gotten lazy.  That became crystal clear in the first game of those Olympics when Team USA was stunned by Puerto Rico, 92–73.  After regrouping and winning a couple of games, they lost again (this time to Lithuania).  And then came another loss to Argentina in the medal round.  After all the dust cleared, the boys from USA wore bronze around their necks instead of gold.

What happened?  How can a hall of fame roster fall short to teams with players no one had heard of?

The other teams had to function as true teams in order to succeed.  Team USA tried to rely on individual talents, hoping that would be enough to dominate the competition.  But it wasn't.  The best players in the world lost to lesser players who happened to be on better teams.

Are the lessons for us?  Your fraternity, your sorority, your board of trustees, your office staff, your council - no matter what group of individuals you can think of - can fall victim to the Dream Team syndrome.  We cannot expect that simply finding the best individuals and throwing them together is going to mean anything for success.  You could assemble a dream team of all-stars, and it might start out great.  However, unless these all-stars accept the shared mission of the organization and put that ahead of their own personal interests, the group will fall flat on its face.  It's a simple lesson really: teams need to be comprised of people who believe in the team's goals.  A simple lesson that often gets set aside, especially when we are enamored by the quality of the star players.  

There is also a lesson from the Dream Team in the perils of overconfidence.  Years of success probably gave Team USA the belief that simply showing up was enough.  Add individual ego to the mix, and you have a recipe for the kind of hubris that crashes the loudest.

You may in fact fit that all-star billing yourself.  But remember, if you choose to play a team sport (such as fraternity or sorority), you need to place your personal ambitions underneath the team's objectives.  It's fine to have personal goals and personal rewards, but they should be the spoils of a greater team accomplishment.

Let's remember that recruiting outstanding men and women for our organizations is the first step, but we can't stop there.  Ask any coach of an NBA team: finding the all-stars is the easy part when compared to the grueling work it takes to intentionally build a functional team.  Whenever we can and wherever we can, we need to emphasize our shared values and our shared mission.  Teams that form around those things, and then fit their all-star individual talents into a plan to achieve them, are the ones that find the podium.


  

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Mentor with Meaning

Has our casual attitude and approach to mentoring diminished its power?

A mentor of mine, Dr. Denny Roberts, once shared the opinion with me that the word mentor has become watered down.  I agree.  I'm  not one who generally cares about terminology battles, but I can get on board with this.  Mentor is now used all of the time to describe a wide scope of relationship types, of any length, depth, or value. You can be called a mentor if you spend an hour with a person, or a decade.  You can be called a mentor even if the impact you have is forgettable.  So-called "mentors" can come in and out of our lives like taxi cab drivers.  By the time we are in college, we've probably had dozens of individuals in our lives who were called or claimed to be our mentors. 

Lots of educational institutions and nonprofits now have "mentorship" programs.  "Be a mentor today" is a common slogan.  Mentoring relationships are even becoming predetermined.  Once, on a plane, I overheard a guy complaining to the person next to him about how much he dislikes his assigned mentor.

With mentor becoming relatively synonymous with having any well-intentioned interaction with another person, what term is truly left to describe the extraordinarily powerful, life-altering link between a person with guidance to share and a person eager to soak it up?  The link that turns a caring adult in your life into a father or mother-figure? What can you call the Yoda in your life, the Morpheus, the Mary Poppins, the Professor Keating?  With mentor becoming a benign, throwaway word in our culture, can it still do these types of relationships justice?

Dr. Roberts' concerns with our overuse of mentor came also from the historical derivation of the word.  Mentor was a character in Homer's The Odyssey.  If you remember, The Odyssey is a sweeping story of Odysseus and his adventures during his return home from the Trojan War.  While he was gone on his quests, Odysseus entrusted his kingdom and his most important possession - his son Telemachus - to the wise Mentor.  That level of trust was profound.  Because of Mentor's wisdom and regard, the Goddess Athena chose to take on his persona while giving Telemachus guidance that would alter his life. 

If you had to entrust your child with one other person in this world, who would that be?  Probably someone extraordinarily consequential to you.  Someone like Mentor.

Ever since The Odyssey, the word Mentor has come to mean a rare relationship that is longstanding, caring, and developmental.  Well - maybe not so much any more.

The purpose of this essay isn't to try to reverse how the term mentor is being used, or try to reclaim its significance as a word.  That probably can't happen at this point anyhow. I only wanted to share the information above as encouragement to all of us to remember, and not take for granted, the presence of true mentors in our lives.  Even if the word gets watered down, the relationships are real.  And you know which ones they are.

A lot of my mentors come from my college years.  I'm guessing that's true for a lot of you as well.  College is a time designed to force us into a journey of self discovery, and so we tend to be attracted to influential people who want to help us along that path.  Thus, fraternity can provide us these opportunities as well.  Consider for a moment your big brother or big sister program.  Some bigs and littles will define their relationship by gifts to each other and perhaps a deeper friendship.  Others will grab that chance to coach a younger member on how to draw the most power from the fraternity experience.  They'll seize the opening to mentor.

By the way, if you let down your guard, get to know them, and let your relationship with them flourish, Greek advisors can become some of the best mentors you could ever have.

Take a moment to think about who are true mentors in your life. Remember - there should only be a few.  Do these people know this?  If not, why wait to tell them?

And, consider another question. Are you currently, or have you ever been, a mentor to anyone?  As you look at it, you may need to downgrade some of the relationships you thought were mentorship because they aren't at that high of a level.  Or, if you want to continue to call it mentorship, then you may have to double your efforts to earn it. Give your heart and soul to it.  Make it matter more to the other person than it does now - more than they would have thought possible.

And, if it isn't a mentoring relationship after all, a caring relationship of any kind still matters immensely. Young people need those now more than ever. The Search Institute's research shows that the presence of a caring non-parent adult in the lives of young people could be the tipping point for their future.  It doesn't have to be mentorship to matter.  I have lots of advisors, coaches, supporters, and friends in my life who have made a difference for me.

But I only have a few mentors.

And to my mentors - I thank you. I'm sending you a personal note today to remind you of how much you mean to me.  You have earned every ounce of the meaning of that word.  And by now, you should know, that its a word I hold in reserve.  For only those rare relationships. For you.



Dr. Denny Roberts has an outstanding blog, Pursuing Leadership.  He is also the author of Deeper Learning in Leadership: Helping College Students Find the Potential Within.

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Women Are Owning Student Leadership

In student leadership, women are stepping forward and men are fading into the background.

 
My youngest son is a big fan of the Wiggles.  He knows all of the words to the songs and all of the moves to the dances.  I’ve learned to somewhat accept the Wiggles because…well…they’re not Barney.

 And you’ve got to respect these Aussies.  According to their Wikipedia page, The Wiggles have earned seventeen gold, twelve platinum, three double-platinum, and ten multi-platinum awards for sales of over 17 million DVDs and four million CDs.

For years, the Wiggles were four men: Anthony, Greg, Jeff, and Murray.  Just recently, it was announced that a new group of performers would take over for these aging originals.  My son stumbled upon the new Wiggles performing their new songs on YouTube, and I was a little stunned.  They now have a female member!  And she actually seems to be the leader.  This is great – and she’s great – but it’s definitely a shift for the longstanding group. 

I thought about this for a moment, and it struck me that this is sort of like what is happening in the world of student leadership.  The only way it might be even more relevant to our shifting landscape is if the Wiggles re-booted with all women instead of one.

Not only is leadership more accessible to women in higher education today, on most campuses, they are owning it.  This isn’t really that new of an observation or occurrence.  However, what is making it more apparent isn’t the continued emergence of women, but rather the shrinking of men.  Men dominated the leadership landscape for a long time, but once women showed up for the party, it seems they went and hid in the basement.  

Before I am accused of not celebrating women’s rise in this regard, I see this is as a fabulous achievement in our society.  When women are involved, it creates a better overall leadership dynamic.  However, in solving one problem, have we created a new one?  In terms of student leadership, we blew right past that 50-50 gender equality statistic and landed somewhere closer to 70-30 in favor of women.  And, it seems like that ratio isn’t going to balance anytime soon.  Are we heading from one extreme to the other?

It’s not just college either.  I work with one of the largest and most prominent high school organizations – Key Club – and I’m noticing it there as well.

The problem is magnified even more when you take into account leadership drive and ability.  When I worked at the NIC and conducted UIFI or IMPACT sessions, it was clear who was in charge.  The Panhellenic Councils were the movers and shakers, the pace-setters, and the power players.  Many of the Interfraternity Councils were struggling to keep up.  Too many of the IFCs would have served their members better to just dissolve and let the Panhellenic Councils take over their governance. 

I’m not saying that in all cases the Panhellenics were effective – just stronger.  

I first noticed the onset of this trend years ago.  In the South, the Panhellenic Councils attend SEPC (Southeastern Panhellenic Conference) and the Interfraternity Councils attend SEIFC (Southeastern Interfraternity Conference) for training and education.  I spoke at SEIFC several years ago, and remember clearly the casual attitude and approach that the men’s-only event fostered.  A good number of the men strolled in late for workshops and looked half-dead as they tried to pay attention.  Many skipped sessions, but didn’t skip the bar later at night.  I compared my notes with a colleague who went to SEPC.  Her report was that the women showed up, dressed to the nines, listened intently, and scribbled furiously on their notepads at every session.  They were serious.  The men were not.  

(EDIT: This isn't meant to say that SEIFC wasn't/isn't a great organization and conference, nor that SEPC is perfect.  Both make extraordinary contributions to the fraternal movement)

While the overall societal affects haven’t been felt as strongly yet (in many industries, men still dominate the leadership), it’s coming.  More women are going to college, more women are succeeding in college, and more women are taking hold of leadership opportunities in college.  Men are being left in the dust.


How have we arrived at this problem of slacker men being run over by uber-achieving women?  Here are my guesses:

Leadership is becoming more relationship-oriented.  Whereas in our fathers’ time, leadership involved power, hierarchy, and tough-minded authority (think Don Draper), today’s conventional wisdom around leadership is that good ones make a solid human connection with the members of their team.  The leader of today listens well, understands emotion, involves others in decision-making, and motivates through recognition and support.  This is more natural turf for women.

The rewards have changed.  Competitiveness, personal ambition, and high achievement used to be the things that set students apart from each other in a positive way.  Men thrive when these things are valued, and always have.  So do many women.  In seems that nowadays, these values are not only de-emphasized, but viewed negatively.  Someone with these values is seen as egotistical.  The values that tend to be rewarded now are cooperation, humility, and selflessness.  Again, men are capable of succeeding with these values but they are more natural for women. 

We expect less from men.  In my current hometown, the local men’s suit store went out of business.  I assume that’s happening in a lot of places because men just don’t dress up like they once did.  This is a minor, but telling point about the state of men today.  They’re not expected to carry themselves like they once did.  When I walk on campuses today, the men look and dress like they were just yanked out of an underground bunker by a Navy SEAL team.  They drift slowly to class, staring at their cell phone, while groups of women blow past them talking with each other about how solve world hunger, or something like that.  Our society is just tolerating the slacker man right now.  It’s cute.  It’s funny.  But, it’s troubling.

It’s academic.  According to the Census Bureau, 685,000 men and 916,000 women graduated from college in 2009 (the latest year for which statistics have been published). That means 25 percent fewer men received college degrees than women.  Studies have also shown that women are doing better academically than men while in college.  So, if women are succeeding in the classroom, they are likely to succeed in other places as well. 

It’s easier for advisors to work with women.  Simply put, women are more reliable than men, tend to listen and work with adult advisors better, and are more coachable.  Again, it’s about their strengths in building relationships.  Because of this, they may get increased opportunities and support in their leadership efforts.

There are many other factors as well.  For example, some argue that our K-12 education system is designed more for female learners.  Also, the video game factor is real, and shouldn’t be dismissed.  Media portrayals of young men certainly favor the slacker lifestyle.  It's a multi-faceted issue. 

As I’m apt to do, I see fraternity as a primary solution.  There are few men's-only experiences left in our world today, and if handled correctly, fraternities can become supportive environments that rebuild men's leadership potential.  

We can learn a lot from sororities.  A sorority is still a place where a less-confident, less-skilled, and less-motivated young lady can go and emerge four years later as a savvy, confident, and inspired woman.  Can we say that for your fraternity today?  Does your fraternity take a slacker and make him a man who is ready to take on the world?  Or is it actually the reverse?  

It starts with making leadership development a signature priority for your organization.  There are many criteria by which to measure your fraternity’s success, but one of the biggest should be how many capable leaders you graduate each year.  The answer is not easy, but it’s simple: we need to raise expectations for how men in our organization engage both inside and outside the fraternity.

We can reclaim the confidence and swagger that made us compelling leaders before, and match those qualities with the relational leadership skills that the world now expects.   We can still command a room, but yet find depth in conversations.  We can bring a spark of ambition along with an ounce of humility.  And yes IFC men, we can also bring an occasional (and much needed) dose of calm flexibility to a Panhellenic world that can get too heavily controlled and structured.  This is what balance in the leadership universe looks like. 

In a world where we keep asking about the relevance of fraternities, we have yet another answer: to reverse the tide of diminishing men and turn them instead into eager, committed, and strong partners with women in leading our world forward.  

It’s a good thing that women have emerged as leaders and are here to stay.  However, that doesn’t mean that men need to vanish.   Gentlemen, the women around us have issued a challenge.  They are standing in front singing their hearts out.  What are we going to do?

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The Walking Dead Within

I'm not a zombie guy.  I've never really been interested in zombie movies, or zombie books, or zombie survival kits, or anything else connected to zombies.  The closest I've ever come was my fascination with the Michael Jackson Thriller video when I was 7 years old.  At least those dead people could dance!

But, zombies are a big thing in our culture right now.  12 million of you watched the premiere of the new season of The Walking Dead on AMC.  I'm sure many of you reading this are convinced of an impending zombie apocalypse and are storing rations.

Here's the thing.  We've been fighting a zombie apocalypse for years.  They have been attacking organizations like fraternities and sororities, and in most cases they are winning.

I'm not talking about true walking dead, although some of these organizational zombies might as well be.  These are the members who slowly drift throughout our fraternities as though they have no clue as to why they are there.  They follow instinctual urges to eat and drink, but don't do much else.  They seem to go missing during the day, but swarm us at nighttime activities like parties.  A fraternity zombie may just show up on our couch, murmur something as we go off to classes for the day, only to be found again in the exact same location when we return. And he's eating something rotten from the mini-fridge.
 
The zombies walk aimlessly, seeming to follow only the light of the I-phone they hold in front of their faces.  They carry the zombie look very well - unshaven, disheveled, untucked, vacant eyes, and a little blood oozing for their mouths (or is that ketchup?)

Most of us choose to ignore them.  After all, these aren't flesh-eating zombies who will cause us physical harm.  But, even though they don't chomp on our brains, they could very well be eating away the soul of our fraternity.

The oft-repeated reality of organizational life is that 20% of the group does 80% of the work. That other 80% of the group is comprised of a lot of zombies.  And, zombies create other zombies, right?  If new members see that being mostly dead is an accepted way to experience the fraternity, then a good number of them will take that option.  Soon, the percentages grow more and more in favor of the zombies, and eventually, your fraternity might as well board up its windows and give in to the apocalypse.

Two things create zombies in your fraternity: poor recruitment and low expectations.  If you recruit zombies to begin with, then it's almost impossible to liven them up.  But let's say you recruit really strong members.  Lets give one a name - Mark.  Mark is excited to receive his bid and is ready to go.  He then experiences an unstructured, lifeless, new member education program.  Mark is initiated in a Ritual ceremony that is performed is a shoddy, lifeless way.   Mark attends his first fraternity meeting, which is boring, poorly attended, and yes, lifeless.  Do you see where this is going?  Add in the many other zombies in the chapter who start to get their fingernails into Mark, and soon enough, he too is lifeless.

So what is the zombie survival kit for fraternities?  You have a few choices with the zombies in your organization.  You can ignore them, but like the heroes in the movies, you do so at your own risk.  Another choice is to try to change them.  This is a noble choice, and one you should first pursue.  The key is to investigate what caused them to zombify and then actively try to find their points of energy.  Perhaps they just don't know where to apply their strengths, which is something you can help them with.

The more likely choice is to help them move on.  Most can't be saved.  It's for their benefit and yours and they no longer enjoy the privileges of membership.
 
Here is the way to start your plan of attack: assemble a zombie fighting team (perhaps your executive officer team), and spend some time determining how rampant of a problem it is for your group.  You might classify them according to whether they can be saved or not.  Next, spend time in a meeting addressing questions such as these:

1. What are our expectations for committed membership? (consult bylaws, Ritual, creed, etc. as guides)
2. Where, and how often, do we set clear expectations for what it means to be a good member?
3. In what ways do we actually celebrate poor choices and behavior from our members?
4. When was the last time we asked a zombie to leave the fraternity, and what's preventing us from doing that more often?
5. Identify 5 zombies in your fraternity, and then ask: what is similar about these individuals or their fraternity experience that could have caused their disengagement?  What themes can we see in their experiences?
6. Do we have any zombies in our officers/chapter leaders?

Then, your solutions ought to start to materialize.  A couple of answers might be to spend time redesigning your new member education program and/or your standards board.  Fraternities that have fewer zombies have better programs in place for education and accountability.

So, in conclusion, continue to enjoy your movies and TV shows about zombies.  But, be aware that once you turn of the TV, you may be confronted by real ones lurking on the other side of the door.   Our greatest enemy in fraternity and sorority life is not the media, or the campus administrators, or any other external force.  Our greatest enemy is within our walls.  The fraternity experience is meant to be seized by those who want to be better and make others better.  The fraternity experience is too valuable to be taken over by the walking dead.  Don't let them destroy your fraternity from the inside.  Don't let them win.

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