Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Who Owns the Future of Fraternity?

The recent issue at Harvard, with the university essentially choosing to sanction any student that affiliates with a single-gender organization, has revealed a truth about modern Greek life that cannot be ignored by fraternity supporters: colleges and universities still own our future.

For as large as the fraternity and sorority industry has become, for as big as the education industry for fraternity and sorority members has become, for all the talk about trade associations, freedom of association, and all the rest, it’s still up to colleges and universities as to whether or not we exist.

And that’s becoming an increasingly precarious position to be in.

Yet it seems to be one that we’re embracing more and more.  And we’re preparing less and less for any result other than what we getting from the likes of Harvard.  In this day and age, national fraternities and sororities are trying to outrace each other in terms of who most nicely and neatly fits within the mission of higher education.  We each want to be the one they love the best. We work hard to “speak their language” with learning outcomes that sound like they fell out of a masters thesis. Our educator and consultant class (me included) comes from higher education and tends to only know how to help Greek organizations within that realm.

In a way, we have sold out to the idea that for us to be relevant and consequential, we need our friends in higher education to tell us that we are. 

For a long time, we’ve been focused on the idea of relevance. We want to ensure that Greek life continues to be a relevant force today and into the future.  The problem is that we usually think about relevance only in terms of our host institutions.  This means that we judge our success only by if colleges and universities think we’re okay.

But to be a relevant organization, we first need to answer the question: relevant to whom?  Yes, host institutions are one of those answers, but are they the only one?  Are they even the most important one?  In my opinion, it is more important to be relevant to two other audiences: our members, and society at large.

If we determine that we are no longer relevant to host institutions, or if they determine it for us (more likely), then is it over?  I don’t think it should be.  We may still be VERY relevant to the lives of our individual members who will achieve great things because of their involvement.  Greek-letter organizations may still be VERY relevant to the growth of our society – particularly American society and its need for values-based leaders and organizers.

If tomorrow, all host institutions decided to cut their ties with Greek-letter organizations, what would we do?   We could adapt.  For instance, we might transform into more community-oriented organizations, much like Kiwanis or Freemasons.  We could find a way to carry on and still focus on instilling values in young men and women.

Just because we were founded at institutions of higher education doesn’t mean our destinies need to be intertwined.  But the sense I’m getting is that this is a very minority opinion.

I’m not making the case that we ignore our relationship with our host institutions as it stands today.  In all possible ways, we need to nurture that relationship, because it’s the business model we’ve chosen.  We should be actively concerned with how we impact the academic success of our members.  If we house students on a particular campus, we should ensure that we are creating safe and secure living environments.  Overall, we should act as good partners to these institutions, because partners are what we are.

We should pay attention to our present reality, but at the same time, imagine a future where a college or university isn’t the foundation of our existence, so that we’re ready if that day comes.  Whether or not we exist for our grandchildren relies more on innovative rather than subservient thinking.

Which fraternity or sorority out there will figure this out?  Wait – maybe NPHC groups already have.  NPHC alumni chapters, which you can join without being an undergraduate member, are often larger than their campus groups. 

I understand the need to play nice with our “hosts.”  But, I fear that in philosophical and tangible ways, we are handing over our right to exist to institutions of higher education – most of which never really wanted us to exist in the first place. And some, like Harvard, are finding creative ways to get rid of us.

The frenzy over trying to assert that we are relevant to colleges and universities has to be tempered with the following question: were we ever meant to be?  Were we ever really meant to compliment the mission of the campuses where our founders happened to meet up?  I admit that I am not a “Bairds Manual” aficionado that can speak to fraternity history with precision.  However, my understanding of the founding of our movement is that individuals were looking for something that wasn’t provided in their college experience.  They wanted shared values, camaraderie, spirited debate, and fun.  I doubt they took much time wondering how these new organizations fit into the missions of their college or university.  My interpretation of our beginnings is that we were borne out of defiance to the host institutions, not in seamless companionship with them.  So while we should care about that relationship now, should it really define our right to exist?

Constantly kowtowing to higher education also puts us on the defensive.  We are always stuck responding to someone else’s needs.  We are always reacting by issuing statements about why actions by Harvard or Princeton or Dartmouth or Colorado are wrong.  But the actions continue.  In the end, it’s a one-way relationship, with colleges and universities holding all the cards.  We fool ourselves into thinking we’re on equal footing.  Is it finally time to worry about that, and respond in a substantive and innovative way?

Until that time, have your statements ready.  Who knows what’s coming next.


Wednesday, April 13, 2016

The Day He Wore a Fraternity T-Shirt

“Ladies and gentlemen, we regret to inform you that due to mechanical problems, flight 1856 with service to Miami has been cancelled.” 

Rory looked up with disbelief.  There had been no warning of this – no delays or anything.  He looked around and noticed that everyone else in the gate area was surprised as well, holding emotions on their faces that ranged from frustration to instant rage.

“Please proceed to the service counter near gate 39 to be re-booked on the next available flight.” 

The crowd at the gate stood, most with a huff of annoyance.  They began to walk towards the service counter and the anger grew with every step.  The day would surely be ruined for everyone.  Plans would be cancelled.  Long stays at the airport or possibly at a hotel would be necessary.  

And Rory was angry too.  He was on his way to meet his fraternity brothers for a spring break cruise, and if he didn’t get to Miami soon he’d miss the departure.  

They formed a long line at the service counter, which added insult to injury for those who had not sprinted there to be first.  As the crowd stood, frustration grew and was shared and spread by the mass of people with the same intensity as a whispered rumor.

One by one the passengers approached the counter.  The women working behind the computer stations were the targets of pent-up anger and were greeted by most passengers with stern and harsh voices.  Not one person seemed satisfied with their re-booking, and each argued vehemently until it was clear there were no other options before sulking away.

The gate agents looked worn and beaten after every attack. They were trying to keep calm but slowly, they felt the urge to fight back.  It was a caustic scene.

Rory was getting closer to the counter, and preparing his own arguments and ideas.  A different airline perhaps, or routing through a different city.  He would be firm and stand his ground. Like others, his irritation had grown to fury and he was ready to fight the hapless gate agent as needed.

And then, by chance, he happened to look down.

And he was reminded that the shirt he had chosen to wear to the airport that day was one from his fraternity.  Large Greek letters were stamped to his chest.

And this made him pause.  He had been taught as a new member to not do anything stupid when wearing letters.  And it struck him that yelling at a gate agent, who was no more at fault for the cancelled flight than he was, was pretty stupid.  He certainly couldn’t lay into this woman with all his fury and then have her and everyone around him think that members of his fraternity were jerks.

The awareness that he was clad in fraternity letters caused Rory to reconsider his position.  Each person in front of him in line had made the gate agent’s life miserable.  Each was projecting his or her ruined day on the employee and ruining her day in turn.

What if, Rory wondered, he did the opposite.  What if he was so nice and friendly that he became the best part of her day?  What if she went home and talked to her husband or kids and told them about her horrible day, except…except for one guy…one guy in a fraternity t-shirt?  He was proud of himself for thinking of this strategy.  He puffed up his chest a bit more and walked to the counter.

And he was all grace and charm.  He was helpful, complimentary, and easy to deal with.  He didn’t yell, but rather offered gentle suggestions.  In the end, he didn’t get an ideal outcome, but it was one that was good enough.  He would arrive to Miami just in time to make the boat.

Rory left the counter with a hearty thanks, and the weary gate agent smiled.

And Rory walked with pride and confidence in himself.  He was a good guy.  He promoted his fraternity well.  He made dozens of people think highly of his fraternity.  He could only imagine how many people in line said “Wow, what a great guy!  That must be what a fraternity member is like!” 

He kept walking down the bustling airport corridor until suddenly he stopped.  He stood still as a sea of people passed around him.  He looked down at his shirt and his joyous thoughts turned sharply into self-loathing.   

Rory recognized in himself a very important fact – that without seeing the shirt he was set to be a prickly jerk just like everyone else.  

The shirt had caused him to change his behavior.  No – not the shirt – the need to promote his fraternity caused him to change.  He was nothing special.  He wasn’t a prince.  He was a guy that was worried about image more than character.

Rory considered that the behaviors he had summoned: kindness, generosity, helpfulness, were all behaviors that his fraternity expected him to carry forth all the time.  They were prominent in the Ritual and in other places where the values of the fraternity were stated.

And so it occurred to Rory that the only thing this incident demonstrated was that he wore the fraternity on his shirt, but not yet in his heart.

If Rory was indeed as much of a fraternity man as he projected a few moments before, he could have been wearing any plain t-shirt and still made the choice to be the best part of the gate agent’s day.

While he was glad that the shirt was there today – as a tool to remind him of the values he believed in – he knew that they next step was to act in that way all of the time.  In doing so, he was making the most significant decision a fraternity man can ever make: to decide that from that day forward he would live the values of his fraternity.

And what if all 100 members of his fraternity chapter made that decision?  What if the thousands of his brothers across the country did as well?  What if every fraternity man pledged to live that kind of life?  What if it were assumed - without the need to see the letters on a shirt - that a young man carrying himself with generosity of spirit must be a fraternity man?  How far might the fraternity movement be advanced?

How might this entire world be better?  

Rory grabbed his bags. He joined the sea of people again but yet, stood apart from them.  And it wasn't because of the shirt he was wearing, but rather because of who he pledged to be.

Rory had a plane to catch. And a fraternity life to lead.


Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Your Greek Advisor is a Democrat (but you probably knew that)

It must be tough to be a student affairs staff member, or anyone who works with young people, and have to keep your political opinions to yourself out of fear of alienating a segment of students you hope to reach  with your advising skills.

Oh must not be that tough at all. 

We are in the midst of a contentious presidential primary and I continue to be amazed at how many youth development professionals - including fraternity and sorority advisors - are wide open about their politics on social media sites like Facebook and Twitter. And it isn’t just “I think Trump is the right guy,” or “I'm pulling for Hillary.” It has been very intense at times.  

It was long ago, but when I learned student development theory I took that dualism vs. relativism thing to heart.  The college environment is one in which students are supported in their journey towards arriving at their own conclusions in life.  When it comes to politics, however, many students affairs administrators seem to want to bring back dualistic thinking.  

There shouldn’t be anything wrong being upfront about politics, right? The students who follow us on social media sites shouldn’t expect us to filter our beliefs and passions, right?  If I've got a "Feel the Bern" sign in my cubicle or a "Cruz Crew" t-shirt on, it shouldn't matter to my ability to do my job, right?

Free speech is still one of the bedrocks of our nation. So is our ability to make choices and live with the consequences.

I have a fundamental belief that if you sign up to work with young people, from Kindergartners to college students, you have the responsibility to be approachable. Otherwise, you can’t do your job. 

And so, we who work with youth should care most about the factors that either enhance our approachability or diminish it.  The former we should amplify and the latter we should avoid.  

Saw this posted many times. Usually followed by a political post.
Our choices influence our approachability. Politics is a hot-button issue that often causes sharp emotional responses. Should a student, who is still trying to figure out his beliefs, be able to see a tweet from their advisor that enthusiastically puts her political stripes on full display and be able to compartmentalize it? Sure. In this day and age, will they?  I’m not so sure.  It’s probably why I’m a chicken about sharing those kinds of beliefs in public. 

Some may wonder if my reticence to share politics out loud like that means I’m not as confident in my beliefs. My reticence is simply practical. I want the conservative evangelical pro-life Republican and the liberal environmentalist pro-choice Democrat to feel equally excited to walk through my office door and share their dreams with me. 

I knew the political leanings of most of my favorite advisors, but I never felt that having different opinions made a difference in our relationships.  However, we didn't have social media back then and my student affairs heroes weren't expressing their political opinions for all to see.  

The vitriol and self-righteousness we see today from many student affairs professionals when it comes to politics is quite off-putting.

I'm not trying to tell any advisor what to do. My choice to not broadcast most of my personal beliefs about politics, religion, etc. has worked for me - and it is my choice. There have been many times I’ve wanted to post something on my Facebook page about sensitive topics, but I’ve held back. I share those thoughts with my friends and family instead. 

To be fair, college students aren't sheep and they have minds of their own.  Advisors can also choose to not be friends with students on social media sites (but can they really).  And students aren't stupid.  They know that the college environment tends to lean heavily in one direction already. 

The point is, approachability matters. And it’s not something that emerges without intention and attention. Those of us in positions of leadership and influence should be driven by the answer to these fundamental questions: if I open the door, who is excited to come in and see me?  And who isn't? 

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

The Cautionary Tale of Johnny Manziel

I don’t like to admit it often, but I am a lifelong Browns fan.  My grandfather lived in Cleveland and we’d go to games as a family, back when they had Bernie Kosar and a fighting chance.  Since, we’ve dealt with the team moving to Baltimore, restarting as an expansion team, only one playoff appearance in 16 years, and about 2,000 different quarterbacks.  But, my love for the team is cemented and it’s not going anywhere.  At the very least, I am a role model to my sons on how to be resilient, loyal, and have a sense of humor.

My fandom was challenged a bit when the team selected Johnny Manziel in the draft 3 years ago.  I wasn’t sure what we were getting with the young Aggie, but I soon learned to like the guy.  He was brash and cocky, but the Browns had a shortage of that. Because everyone else hated him, it became a badge of honor to want to see the guy succeed.  And until a few months ago, that badge of honor remained on my chest.

And now, we’re days away from the Browns cutting Johnny Manziel and ending his tenure in Cleveland.  And maybe in the NFL entirely.  Johnny has had a plethora of issues off the field, including alleged domestic abuse, alcohol problems, and lying to his coaches about his hedonistic lifestyle.  The Browns are done with him, which is hard to take because there was a glimmer of hope with him early in the last season.
Some other team may take a chance and who knows, he might finally figure out how to succeed.  But for now, his existence is best used as a cautionary tale to all of us and especially you – college fraternity and sorority members.

You see, one of the reasons it became easy to root for Johnny was that he could actually play football, which makes him different from most other "busts."  He has talent and is fun to watch on the field.  That talent could have become enough to propel him to become the quarterback the Browns have been desperately seeking for two decades, which in turn, would have made him possibly the most legendary figure in Cleveland sports.  With apologies to Jim Brown and Lebron James, the QB that leads the Browns to their first Super Bowl win will become undisputedly the lifelong mayor of Cleveland.

But it won’t be Johnny after all.  And the reason why is his sad inability to embrace the opportunities in front of him.  Aided, of course, by his apparent addictions to alcohol and a lifestyle that the modern NFL player cannot lead.

Johnny’s time at Texas A&M, and his Heisman trophy-winning success there, is like your time in high school.  He dominated his environment with relative ease, and thus, didn’t need to put forth the effort to truly embrace what he was a part of.  Going to the NFL was like you arriving to your college campus:  a new environment filled with wondrous opportunities for personal growth and achievement, but only unlocked by effort and attitude.  The laissez-fare approach you might have been able to use in high school yields a very mediocre college experience.

There are Manziels in your chapter.  Maybe lots of them. Those are the men or women who signed on to the fraternity experience, but decided not to use it for all it can provide.  Perhaps they use it only for a social outlet or a chance for a party lifestyle, similar to how Johnny Manziel used the fame that comes with being in the NFL. 

Sites like Total Frat Move want your chapter to be full of Manziels.  For them, that’s the pinnacle of the fraternity experience. 

Choosing to be in a fraternity or sorority is akin to choosing be play in the NFL (an easier choice for sure since your 40-yard dash time doesn’t matter).  Those who succeed in the NFL then make the extra choice to fully embrace the opportunity they have.  They recognize that their time is limited. Better to spend their days in the full flow of the NFL experience knowing that it can’t last forever.

The same is true for fraternity and sorority.  As an undergraduate you probably have 3-4 years in the college fraternity experience.  That is the blink of any eye.  Will you arrive to this experience feeling entitled – like the experience ought to come to you?  Or, will you go and grab it.  Think forward to your graduation day.  How will you feel if you treated your undergraduate fraternity years as Johnny Manziel treated his NFL career?  Contrast that with how you’d feel if you were like Peyton Manning or Drew Brees instead?

Within almost every fraternity house are numerous composites of previous classes of members.  Within each composite are faces of members who did so much that their names are recognizable years later.  Like the names in the NFL hall of fame.  In that same frame are faces of members that would lead even their peers at the time to say “who’s that guy?”  And sure, there are a few that will be remembered for negative reasons, or easily mocked because of how poorly they treated their fraternity opportunity. That’s Ryan Leaf. And soon to be, Johnny Manziel. How will you be remembered?

There is no formula or easy how-to guide for how to embrace the fraternity experience.  I have lots of ideas (see the 150+ posts on this site).  But none of those ideas matter if it doesn’t start with your attitude – and the choice you make.  Seize it, or waste it.

Johnny’s story also provide caution for how alcohol and drugs can destroy any experience.  Johnny has been to rehab once already and I will always root for him to get better.  That is stuff never to take lightly, and too many of our brothers and sisters do.  We have a conventional attitude that college is a time to party and drink, and I certainly did those things as well.  But, just as teammates of Johnny’s saw the signs of excess, we need to be seeing them in our brothers and sisters as well. It’s a sacred responsibility to care for each other.

It’s a running theme of this blog that the biggest challenge the fraternity movement faces is how little our own members understand its power.  Imagine if 10% more of your chapter fully embraced the experience in front of them.  Now imagine 20%, 30%, and more.  What would your fraternity be like? If more of our members nationwide decided that these few years as an undergraduate are ones to be seized and taken full advantage of, I expect our movement will finally start to achieve its potential.

But for now, we’re still waiting. Waiting to finally get it right. Waiting like the Cleveland Browns.


Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Seeking the Truth From Fraternity

I once had a conversation with Fraternity. 

I sought him out in order to discover the truth, and he received me warmly. He found in me someone who was confused and increasingly disenchanted.

“Fraternity, what is the truth about you?” I asked.

He looked at me with a smile, and replied “what do you believe it to be?”

I took a moment to collect my thoughts. “I get confused,” I shared. “I see conflict between what I believe you are supposed to be, and what it is you really are.”

He calmly asked me to explain.

“Well, people have told me that you are special and unique institution. However, it’s difficult for me to see where and how exactly you are different. Perhaps the reality is that you are just another club among many, and that’s all you will ever be.”

“Perhaps,” he replied stoically. He invited me to continue.

“I’ve heard that your purpose is noble, but all I witness is a drinking club. Perhaps instead of the broad picture you paint with your flowery creed, you are destined to be narrowly defined only as a social outlet for college students. In the end, you’re just a way for young men and women to meet each other and have fun.”

He paused. “What else do you think?” he asked.

“There is much talk about the values you promote. Maybe the values, symbols, secrets and Rituals are nothing more than a charade.” The tension in my voice was growing. “They exist only to create interest and intrigue, but serve no practical purpose.”

He continued to smile.

“I’m trying to believe in you, but you keep finding ways to shake my faith. Maybe all you are is just a temporary extracurricular activity for college kids with a robust social calendar as your only claim to fame."

I looked into his eyes, my doubts evident in my voice. "Fraternity, your words are eloquent, but your actions are coarse.  I wonder if we ask too much of you.”

We sat in tense silence, he and I.

“So what is the truth Fraternity?” I pressed. “What are you?  Really?"

Fraternity thought for a moment, and then spoke.

“Well, I can be all of those frustrating things you described. It is you, through your actions, that define me. I am a human creation, and flawed just as humans are. I can be a vehicle for their greatest ideals, and for their worst temptations. But my flaws have not always defined me. For many years, I was proud of what you created in me. I felt it was truly what I was meant to be. But over time, I became something much different. My way was lost.”

“What am I?” he continued. “Well, I’m not really sure any more. But, I’ll tell you what I want to be.”

“I want to be a movement, not just an organization. I want to change this world – make it a better place. I see a world lacking honor, and I want to provide it with honorable men and women. I see a society without courage, and I want to give it courageous people.”

“I see a world that is fractured, isolated, and full of distrust. In response, I seek to connect, to draw together, and to bond. I see a world where integrity is mostly ignored, and often rewarded. It’s a world that needs men and women of shining character so badly, and I can give them to it.”

“I see a world that is broken in so many ways, and I know in my soul that the men and women I produce are the ones that can heal it.”

“I was not founded to just be another club, or something that sits on the sidelines of society. I am completely and without apologies invested and involved in society. I was founded because there were many things that were missing or in short supply in this world, such as the kinds of things my Ritual book is overflowing with.”

“I no longer want my purpose to be so narrowly defined that it can be ignored. I want my purpose to be shouted from the mountaintops. I want all to know that my purpose is this: to build, through you and your brothers, a stronger world.”

We sat in silence, his words, and the passion behind them still reverberating in the air. He asked me to ponder these thoughts, consider them for myself, and return for further conversation when I’m ready. As I turned to leave, he spoke again.

“You said you wonder if you ask too much of me,” he said. “The truth is, I'm resting right here - waiting, hoping, even begging for you to ask for more.”

The essay was originally posted in December 2009 and has been updated.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

The Manning Fraternity

“I don’t like the perception that it was a plan…that I was an NFL quarterback for a while and now I’ve got these boys and I’m going to mold them into being NFL quarterbacks. Not so. You might can do [sic] that. And they might can be [sic] an NFL quarterback. I’m not sure you’re going to have a good father-son relationship. That’s what I wanted.” - Archie Manning 

I’ve always been intrigued by the Manning family, which is likely the most significant family in football if not all of professional sports. As an Indianapolis resident, I’m naturally a Peyton Manning guy. Not only do I admire the way he approaches football, but life as well. My kids have received treatment at a childrens’ hospital that bears his name for goodness sake. While I don't root for Eli as much, you have to respect him for winning as many Super Bowls as his more famous bigger brother. 

What is most intriguing to me is the family dynamic itself, starting with parents Archie and Olivia. As parents raising three boys, my wife and I were interested to watch the documentary The Book of Manning on ESPN which details how this family yielded three athletic, successful, and accomplished men (Cooper was a great football player too but a disorder called spinal stenosis caused him to give it up in college). Even more than football, the Mannings have always projected a high degree of character and humility in all they do. They were great kids that became great men and as such, they had great parents.

Essentially, if the Mannings were a fraternity on your campus, they’d be almost everything we’d want in our Greek organizations.  (Archie is a Sigma Nu and Olivia is a Delta Gamma, by the way).

With that as the theme, what might the core values and principles of a Manning Fraternity be, and hence, lessons we can absorb?

1. Relationships Are More Important Than Football.

“I think what I miss most about football is the guys. Not winning or losing or catching touchdowns. It was the locker room, and the bus rides home. That was the good stuff." -Cooper Manning

One thing is evident in story of the Manning family - to be a quality person meant being able to build quality relationships. Whether it was with family, teammates, friends, and others, a focus on personal success meant nothing if you burnt bridges along the way. The Mannings raised their boys to be good teammates, friends, and brothers to each other.

In fraternity, there is nothing more important than the relationships you build. And like a family. those relationships are glued together by shared values. It’s what makes brotherhood and sisterhood truly unique concepts and transcendent from friendship. If you are a high achiever in fraternity and are seeking positional leadership, awards, and recognition, by all means go do it! But, remember that positions end, awards collect dust on the wall, and recognition is easily forgotten. Relationships remain, and last a lifetime. 

2. If we devote quality time to each other, we all grow stronger.

Archie Manning became a father while he was still an NFL QB (for a terrible Saints team that never had a winning season in Archie’s tenure despite him being a pro bowler himself). He would take the kids to the locker room, not to expose them to football only, but to be able to spend time with them. Archie’s relationship with his father was not very close and so he made it a point to be a present and attentive father to his children. Time matters. Not just the quantity of it, but the quality as well.

As a fraternity man or sorority woman, you have been given a gift. You get to ride your undergraduate college years in a vehicle like no other. This vehicle is not built only for you - but for all those brothers and sisters around you. The trip will be wasted if you don’t stop to take the time to truly get to know your fellow riders, find out what makes them tick, learn from their life stories, and build bonds that can help sustain you during the rocky times.

3. Embrace the differences in each person.

Each of the Manning kids had a different personality. Cooper loved to have fun, Peyton was very driven and serious, and Eli was independent and laid back. Each of those qualities came to be a hallmark of each person later in life. And having three different children with different personality styles is a challenge for a parent. Each one requires a different type of communication style, different approaches to feedback, and is motivated by different things. 

And then consider one of the most interesting parts of the Manning family story: Cooper. If not for spinal stenosis, Cooper could be a star in the NFL too. But he isn’t. Hardly anyone knows his name. His siblings have achieved the pinnacle of success in their professions and their parents have been photographed, filmed, and interviewed at every step along the way. In some families, this could have made the other brother bitter or resentful. It might have led to a breakdowns in the parent-child relationship. But because the Mannings viewed football as less important than relationships and character, and actually lived that way, you’d find no bigger fan of his brothers than Cooper. And while not famous, he’s just as big of a success in his profession and at home, with three children of his own (and one named Arch).

If your prime criterion of a good person is their character, then the other stuff stops mattering as much. Embrace the fantastic differences in personality, social styles, interests, and career paths that your fraternity contains. Don’t judge those things negatively or place false levels of importance on them. Enjoy them for the rich tapestry they create.  As life goes on, you’ll learn that such opportunities to be with so many different types of people won’t always be as easy to come by, and you'll miss it.

4. If you’re going to sign up for something, go all out for it.

“My dad’s rule was that if you’re going to sign up for something, you had to stay with it, no matter what it was.” - Peyton Manning

There is a great scene in the documentary when Peyton recounts a time in high school when he signed up for musical theater in order to avoid another class. Turns out he needed then to perform in the school play, and Peyton decided if he must, he might as well do his very best. Watch the movie to see Peyton do a fairly impressive tango.

It’s too bad that this kind of attitude doesn’t permeate our chapters. If it did, we wouldn’t struggle with member apathy as much as we do. However, it can certainly permeate your experience. You can personally decide to give as much as possible, and take as much as possible from your undergraduate experience. Since fraternity is a lifelong commitment, it also means to do as much as you can to be a contributing alumnus. For whatever reason, you signed up for this, so give it your all. As the Outward Bound maxim states, “if you can’t get out of it, then get into it!”

5. Common pursuits bring us closer together.

Cooper (the oldest) and Peyton has a fairly standard brother relationship as children - somewhat close and somewhat distant. There was a fair amount of rivalry and fighting. As a father to sons, I see it all the time. The boys can move from moments of pure love to pure hatred in the blink of an eye. In the end, brothers try to stake their own identities and thus, can lose the closeness they had in younger years. It's shared experiences that brings it back.

What brought Cooper and Peyton together in an irreversible way was the opportunity for them to play football together. When Peyton was a sophomore, he was the starting QB and Cooper was the senior star receiver. They made each other better and that shared experience overwhelmed any personal animosities or histories they may have had.

In fraternity, your Ritual, your creed, and any other expression of your organizational values are the shared experiences that should overwhelm any personal issues you may have. There are going to be fights, and disagreements, and hurt feelings in any human endeavor - especially one so based on relationships. What causes a fraternity or family to survive those things is the strength of the shared experience. The more you remind the members of the oaths and obligations they have all subscribed to, the more likely they are to get past the petty stuff. 

6. Be accountable for your actions.

In the film, Peyton recalls a time in high school when he wasn’t the most coachable kid. He always felt he knew how to do it better than the coaches and even one time told a coach that they lost because of him. Instead of siding with his all-star son, Archie drove Peyton to the coach’s house that night to make him apologize.

In your fraternity, what happens when a brother steps out of line? And not only those times when he might break a law or do something blatantly unethical - but also those times when he isn’t acting as his best self. Are you there to “drive” him back to the right choice? It’s easier to ignore the behavior, or even justify it, but easier choices never built stronger men or women.

Those would be, from what I’ve learned, the cardinal principles in the Fraternity of Manning. There are many other individual qualities the Mannings possess that we could discuss. Peyton is legendary for his level of preparation. Eli is well known for how calm under pressure he is. Archie and Olivia were so humble that they would dress incognito and take seats amongst the regular fans so as not to be a distraction away from whichever son was playing on the field.

They aren’t perfect. The documentary focused on their best qualities as a family, and surely there was struggles and hard times and controversy that we'll never know about.

And you might notice how little this article has focused on the game of football. I believe that the Mannings are successful because the game was always just a vehicle through which they could express the best versions of themselves. It’s where the character instilled in them by their parents and other relationships was actually put to the test. Their character only grew stronger by the lessons they could draw from the experience of football.

And isn’t that what fraternity can be for you? 

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Our Love-Hate Relationship with Greek Life (and Ewoks)

Guest essay by Patrick Ryan

When my sister joined Greek life a year after I did, I told her, “Welcome to the best headache you’ll ever have.” It was hard to articulate what I meant by that, but I’ve found an analogous argument that explains it better than I ever could. This is a 2005 essay written by Andrey Summers and originally published in an e-magazine called Jive:
“My girlfriend doesn’t understand what I see in Star Wars. We’ve had several soul-crushing arguments about what exactly makes this series so important to me, and every time I have found it more and more difficult to argue my case.
There is a diabolical twist to Star Wars fandom, you see, that defies comprehension, and yet is the life-blood of all Star Wars fans. It is this:

Star Wars fans hate Star Wars.

If you run into somebody who tells you they thought the franchise was quite enjoyable, and they very-much liked the originals as well as the prequels, and even own everything on DVD, and a few of the books, these imposters are not Star Wars Fans.

Star Wars fans hate Star Wars.

The primary fulcrum for the Star Wars fan’s hate (including my own) is George Lucas, creator of Star Wars. Unlike Trekkies/Trekkers who adore Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry, Star Wars fans hate the father of their obsession. We hate the fact that George Lucas got it wrong from the beginning, creating incest between Luke and Leia. We hate the fact that he wrenched Return of the Jedi off of Kashyyyk and set it on Endor with those tiny, furry Hobbit bitches he called “Ewoks”, which is a syllabic anagram of Wookiee if you’re obsessed enough. We despise the entire existence of literally half of the Star Wars movies, blaming George Lucas’ greed and flawed ‘vision’ for everything.

Star Wars fans also hate the original Star Wars trilogy. We think Mark Hamill’s acting was whiny, the pacing was flawed, and Empire was better than Jedi, making the end of the series a let-down. We hate the way Boba Fett died, and we hate the cantankerous, arthritic duel between Vader and Obi-wan. We don’t understand why the storm-troopers can’t shoot worth a damn, and we don’t get why “an entire legion of [the Emperor’s] best troops”(ROTJ, Palpatine) can be overpowered by a tribal society of midget teddy-bears armed largely with rocks and twigs. Star Wars fans hate omnipotent war-machines that get their legs tangled in strings, or slip on logs. They hate Darth Vader’s face and that stupid harmonica thing he was playing. Star Wars fans hate the original Star Wars trilogy.

There is also, as you probably know, a series of Special Editions that have replaced the original Star Wars trilogy, and these are also hated by Star Wars fans with an even more scorching fervor. Star Wars fans hate the glaring CG changes made to scenes we already hated to begin with. We hate that Han Solo now killed Greedo in self-defense, and then stepped on Jabba the Hutt’s tail (which we liken to Carrot Top stepping on Fidel Castro’s tail). We hate the fact that the ghost of Alec Guinness (whose name is an anagram of Genuine Class, by the way) now stands next to Hayden Christensen (whose name I tried to re-arrange into a flattering anagram myself, but only came up with “Nn…Dense Chest Hair”). Star Wars fans are unsure if Fidel Castro has a tail or not, but we hate the Special Editions of the trilogy just the same.

There is of course also a prequel trilogy to Star Wars. It is newer, more epic, more expensive, and more visually stunning than the original trilogy. Star Wars fans know this, and so we hate it even more. We hate it with the burning passion of a setting pair of twin suns. Jar Jar Binks, Midichlorians, technology that is blatantly more sophisticated than the “later” original trilogy…we despise all of it. There’s nothing a Star Wars fan hates more than a Star Wars prequel. They demystified Boba Fett, contradicted countless lines in the original trilogy (Obi-Wan: “He was our only hope.” Yoda: “No…there is another.” Obi-Wan (not in script): “Oh, right, I f*cking held both of these kids as they were born in Episode 3. Sorry Yoda, I just plumb forgot!”)

Star Wars fans think Mark Ha…uh…Hayden Christensen’s acting was whiny. And the pacing was flawed.

Now that I have covered all of this, you can finally begin to compute why I can never prove to Emily that Star Wars is a monumental event worth devoting one’s life to. The very nature of the argument means I have to defend Star Wars, and since I am a Star Wars fan, I don’t actually understand how to do that.

Maybe I’ll put it like this. To be a Star Wars fan, one must possess the ability to see a million different failures and downfalls, and then somehow assemble them into a greater picture of perfection. Every true Star Wars fan is a Luke Skywalker, looking at his twisted, evil father, and somehow seeing good.

My earlier statement needs slight revision. We hate everything about Star Wars.

But the idea of Star Wars…the idea we love.” 


Much like Star Wars fans hate Star Wars, Greek undergrads hate Greek life. We hate trying to convince other people to join, and dread formal recruitment at the beginning of each semester. When the recruitment chairman tasks us to go out and recruit each week at chapter meeting, we look the other direction.

We hate all the bullshit that happens during chapter meeting. We hate having to argue with other brothers every Monday, and be steaming mad as a result every Tuesday.

We hate going to four meetings a week and feeling like nothing’s been accomplished, only to have officers barking at you to do more stuff that you don’t want to.

We hate doing philanthropy and service activities, but are really glad that going to Raising Cane’s on Wednesday to “support cancer research” counts as an hour of service.

We hate getting 10 emails a day, with each one telling you that you have more shit to scoop up before Sunday.

We hate getting dressed up for meeting, and choking on our ties for three consecutive hours.

We love drinking during the weekend, but hate that everyone outside of Greek life says that all we like to do is drink.

We hate how happy and optimistic the freshmen are every Fall, and can’t wait until they realize they’ll start to hate it in Greek life eventually, too.

We love meeting other Greeks at conferences, and we always tell them that we love our chapter, even though we hate it.

We can’t wait until the upperclassmen graduate, because we hate them too.


It’s hard to explain to people outside of Greek life why we like it at all. It’s all a big headache, and when confronted, it’s hard to understand why anyone would like it.

I’d like to end this with the same sentence as the Star Wars bit, but I don’t think that would do it justice. We love the idea that we have a house to ourselves, and we get to make the rules. We love the idea that we can get better grades than everyone else on campus. We love the idea that we can make a difference in our community. We love the idea that we are self-governing. We love the idea of being independent and responsible for ourselves.

But we hate all the work that’s involved in actualizing these ideas.

The idea, though…. the idea we love.

And when you realize this, you realize why retention rates are so low, and why we hate Greek life much more than we anticipated hating it from when we joined. When we talk to potential new members, we don’t talk about all the work that goes into our final product. We don’t talk about all the arguments that happen every week. We don’t talk about the tension between members. We don’t talk about getting kicked out if you don’t make the required GPA, or getting fined hundreds of dollars because you didn’t do enough service. We don’t tell them that some of your closest friends won’t be allowed on the property you live on just because they chose not to follow the standards we all swore to uphold.

In a strange way, when we join Greek life, we have become our own parents, coaches, and teachers. We push, push, push ourselves to be the best that we can be, and if you don’t do your best, you are surrounded by disappointment. It’s an easy trek to start, though a tough trek to finish, but at the end of your four years, you’ll know that you are a better person because of it.

Patrick Ryan is a 2015 graduate of Nebraska Wesleyan University and a member of Theta Chi Fraternity (Gamma Phi Chapter). He is currently attending the University of Nebraska-Lincoln College of Law, eagerly anticipating graduation in 2018.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Your Fraternity as Christmas Characters

If the people in your fraternity universe were characters from favorite Christmas movies and TV shows...

Have a great holiday season.  See you in 2016!