Reality Fraternity

I am a fan of reality TV for two primary reasons: (1) as an observer of human nature it’s fun to watch some of these shows as a social experiment, and (2) escapist trashy TV can be fun.

My wife likes The Bachelor, and every once in a while I’ll catch some of it out of the corner of my eye as I’m passing through the ro...ahh...I admit I love it too. It’s good TV. Lots of drama, heroes, villains, and suspense. Don’t judge.

The interesting thing about The Bachelor is that the relationships formed on the show rarely work out. Most crash and burn. But, it’s very obvious as to why. When the "bachelor" and his female suitors go on dates on the show, it’s the stuff of romantic fantasies. Helicopter rides. Dining on rooftops. Walks on the world’s best beaches. Floating on yachts under tropical sun. Everything is hyper-romantic and simply perfect. And then, the season ends with a hilltop proposal and dancing until the sun comes up.

A few months later, the perfect couple shows up again to reveal their status, and you can tell from their faces that it has gone South. A big dramatic breakup typically comes shortly thereafter.

The show creates impossible expectations for a romantic relationship. Anyone who has been in a marriage or long-term partnership knows that it’s tough work sometimes. There are no helicopter rides or moonlit dinners. Those are replaced by the stuff of regular life. It doesn’t mean that romance isn’t there - you just have to dig through reality to find it.

Perhaps there are lessons for fraternities here, especially in regards to how we promote and present ourselves to potential members. Do we oversell the fraternity experience and our own organizations?

I remember recruitment when I was an undergrad. Every fraternity I met with claimed the best parties, and the strongest brotherhood. Each one had the best house, greatest alums, and the tastiest food. Strangely, each group had also won the previous year’s Greek Week (must have been a 15-chapter tie). There was no shortage of trophies and awards to display.

And what about the chapters that rely on big splashy events for recruitment? They take recruits to amusement parks, sporting events, or turn their chapter houses into a Hooters franchise. Just like The Bachelor paints love as wine and roses every day, these fraternities are painting a picture that fraternity life is a constant party.
 
We have an apathy problem in fraternities and sororities. We also have a lot of dropouts. I wonder if some of that can be attributed to the mismatch of expectations and reality. If we create a lofty vision of the fraternity experience, but don’t deliver, why should we be surprised that people break up with us? And what's more, we're likely not attracting the right members by selling the superficial aspects. We get the party-lovers and then expect them to roll up their sleeves and work.

It’s about being authentic. Represent yourself honestly, and you may be surprised by what you get in return. Perhaps if The Bachelor had a few episodes when the couples had to live for a few hours in a house with a screaming baby, or got lost on a stressful drive together, they might be better prepared. Perhaps if you weren’t shy about your faults as a fraternity, your new members would more likely embrace the experience. Maybe your recruitment pitch should sound something more like this:

I want you to be a member of this fraternity. But before you decide, there are some things you need to know. We have a strong brotherhood, but not because we’re always laughing and having fun. We fight sometimes. We argue. We disagree with each other a lot. We are a strong brotherhood because we work through those things.

You won’t like every guy in here. Some you may actually dislike a lot. But I can say with great confidence that there are a few future groomsmen and best friends in here as well.

We win Greek Week sometimes. We lose more often. Same with intramurals and homecoming competitions. We don’t have as many trophies as the other guys, but I think we play a little harder.

You’ll need to work. This house doesn’t clean itself. There aren’t elves who show up in the middle of the night and cut the grass. We do those things. There will be dozens of times in which the state of this house will piss you off. There are other times when you’ll be too lazy to do your duties, and that will piss us off.

Many of these guys will let you down. They’ll make stupid decisions and leave you hanging. Many of us will disappoint you from time to time. You may want to quit. Or punch someone.

But, if you find the lessons in each of those moments, you’ll be better. If you learn understanding, then you’re on your way to mastering the greatest of leadership skills. If you can learn to hold people accountable without being a jerk, then people will want to work for you some day.

There may be a fraternity up the street that has only perfect parties, perfect meetings, and perfect sorority relations. But perfect isn’t a very good teacher. And, it’s an illusion anyway.

If you’re willing to be vulnerable, to make mistakes, and to work hard, then you are well-suited to be in this fraternity. Being a fraternity man isn’t easy, but nothing worthwhile in life ever is. Just because we may not be the ideal fraternity doesn’t mean that signing this bid card won’t be the best decision of your life.

And besides, if we were perfect, then we wouldn’t need you to make us better.

Highs and lows. Joy and conflict. Success and disappointment. Terribly frustrating and tremendously fulfilling.

That’s the reality.

A Knock on the Fraternity House Door

Hi, good evening.  

I don't know if I'm in the right place.  

I'm wondering if you might be looking for new members?  

Before we discuss it, I need to tell you some things about me...

My parents are divorced, and I feel forgotten.

My parents are both dead, and I’ve never really felt at home anywhere.

I’m lost.

I’m gay.  Or, I might be.  I don’t know.

I don’t know who I am.

I am poor.

I am rich.

  I come from a different country, with customs you’d think are odd.

People always stare at this. 

But it doesn't slow me down.

I’ve supported my siblings since I was twelve.

I’m ready to lead, but I don’t know how.

I don’t like my body.

Sometimes I feel empty.

I’ve always been in the minority.

Most people ignore me.

I act tough to hide my insecurities.

I’m a recovering alcoholic.

I walk funny.

I’m paying for my own tuition.

I’ve never had to pay for anything.

I stopped using drugs last year.

I’m a Republican.

I’m a Democrat.

Nobody has ever told me that I matter.

I’m battling HIV.

My clothes are from a thrift store.

My mom never told me I was right.

My mom never told me I was wrong.

I’m blind.

I’ve seen things I don’t want to remember.

This thing is for my insulin.

I never show my true feelings.

I used to have hair.

 

I’m scared.

My religion is different than yours.

My teachers told me to be quiet.

My teachers told me to speak up.

I’ve always felt alone.

I’m a parent.

I’ve never experienced "family."

I don’t know what to believe.

I’m ready to build something important.

I’m always running.

I’m always considered different.

And I don’t know what to do next.

So, I guess I'm wondering...


May I come in?

  

The Choice of A New Generation

Guest Essay by Matt Mattson

(Matt and his team at Innova are starting a new campaign called ReThink Greek. It’s a free marketing initiative focused towards the characteristics of Generation Z.  Out of respect for the thought-leading work Matt has done with Phired Up Productions and Innova, I’m excited to share his perspective below.  I’m posting this not as a commercial for the campaign, but rather for his cogent thoughts on our need as Greeks to adapt to changing demographics.)


Greek Life has been dramatically impacted each time new generations have emerged as college students. Especially recent generations.

Gen X brought uncertainty, instability, and a decline in membership. Turns out slackers and grunge rock didn't jive too well with fraternities and sororities.

Gen Y, the Millenials, brought a massive influx of students on college campuses, a new level of inclusivity, and a bunch of technology that has changed the way the world sees Greek Life. We're bigger and easier to notice now. For better or worse.

Generation Z is trickling into our student bodies right now, and they'll undoubtedly bring their fair share of change to fraternity/sorority life. Here's a great resource to understand more about this new wave of students if you're interested.

We better get ready. It’s likely we’ll need to reimagine the way we communicate with this new generation. I know we think we know what we're doing because some of our groups have been around for over 150 years, but this new group of students is smarter than us. The research tells us that they can sniff out a "sales pitch" like no other group before. Their IQs are through the roof. They expect more diversity than most of our organizations can currently represent. They don't want "connections" to help get them a job -- they're going to start their own companies. Their definitions of race and gender are far more blended than most of our organizations are ready for. They see the world differently than many of us. If they're going to be into Greek Life, it's going to be on their own terms.

We need to be the choice of a new generation. We can be, but we must begin today to rethink how we share our story as Greeks.

It's time for our industry to start playing offense, not just mediocre defense. When it comes to telling the story of Greek Life, currently there is no single narrative about the fraternity/sorority experience. There is no proactive story-telling mechanism. The only "P.R." we do as an industry is a defensive "we're sorry" stance when something terrible happens and hits the news. We're better than that.

Think, for a moment, of Greek Life as a single entity. We're huge, powerful, and influential. We should act like it in the way we communicate with the outside world. We have 1 million undergraduates and 9 million total members. We have well over 120 major inter/national organizations. We have hundreds of millions of dollars flowing through our fraternal economy annually. We own massive amounts of prime real estate in nearly every state in the union. The list goes on. We're Fortune 500 level, and if we want to capture the attention of the best students from Generation Z, it's time we start marketing like the big guys too.

Here's the thing. Nobody differentiates between your organization and mine. Whether you're IFC, NPC, professional, honorary, NPHC, NALFO, NAPA, NMGC, or anything else... our stories are connected.

This new generation will make up our entire market over the next several years. Let's seek out the best of them to reshape our fraternities and sororities. Let's be brave enough to put the power in their hands to "ReThink Greek." They're coming whether we're ready for them or not. We can sit back and let them happen to the industry (as we've arguably done with past generational shifts), or we can actively seek the highest quality (and lowest risk) individuals from the pool to shape the future of fraternity/sorority life. Greek Life can be the choice of a new generation.



______________________________________

To learn more about the ReThink Greek initiative:
Campuses and HQs, visit: www.innovagreek.com/rethinkgreek
View the ReThink Greek website: www.ReThinkGreek.com

Brother Blago

It's been almost a decade, but perhaps you remember the story of former Illinois Governor, Rod Blagojevich, aka Blago. He was a promising politician until he was impeached, removed from office, and thrown in prison for bribery. And that's where he still remains today.

The first thought that occurred to me when I learned of this scandal right after it happened was “uh oh – he’s a Theta Chi!” I might not have known that except for his picture being included in a slideshow of famous Theta Chi’s, shown at our convention the prior summer. I hope and expect that the slideshow is Blago-free these days.

The Blagojevich episode and others like it calls into question a standard practice of marketing fraternity: using the famous and powerful to showcase our significance. We’ve all seen or heard the statistics (which vary wildly depending on who is sharing them) and they’ve continued to be a staple of our proof that we are effective. We claim a high percentage of Presidents, Senators, Governors, and others as an indication of our strength in developing leaders. Nobody has ever proven that this is even an effective practice. Did you join because Calvin Coolidge was Greek?

Maybe it used to work – but I doubt it would anymore. Especially since the approval ratings of politicians tend to be in the gutter (congressional disapproval currently stands at 75%). Are people able to turn off their filter of distrust and distaste for politicians when we use them as a marketing tool? Probably not. If we proudly told someone yesterday that a person like Blagojevich rose to his position because of the teachings of fraternity, what do we tell that person today?

Because humans are fallible, we can’t completely escape incidents like this. In most cases, we should be proud of famous folks that wear our letters. And some are going to screw up. However, the propensity of this happening with politicians (and possibly Hollywood celebrities) seems to be greater. So why are they the ones we tend to showcase most often?  

I’m reminded of hearing Wolf Blitzer, the CNN Host and a fraternity man, speak at an NIC event. We were all excited to have someone of that stature speak to the fraternity movement. That excitement wore off a bit when Wolf began sharing stories of hazing and how that helped him later in his work as a journalist. Thanks Wolf!

I would be excited to see a national Fraternity or Sorority take the lead and begin promoting the influence of Greek membership on other segments of society – the ones (in my opinion) that really

matter and really prove that we make a difference. What percentage of social service providers are affiliated? What about leaders of nonprofit organizations? How many doctors, nurses, and teachers belong to a fraternity or sorority? How about military leaders? Community organizers? Rescue workers? Entrepreneurs? These percentages would send a powerful message about the things we value and the contribution of fraternity. We can then include politicians and celebrities, and know that we are sharing the whole picture.

By the way, I’m assuming with some confidence that the percentages in those other fields would be high. Maybe not. That could lead to a whole new set of conversations.

Even greater questions remain for us. How do we explain the fraternity/sorority experience of those politicians who end up being corrupt? Did their fraternity/sorority make matters worse? We all know plenty of chapters where this would be possible. If we want to claim leaders in society as our own, we better keep doing the values-based work on the ground that ensures we can be proud of those we claim.  

Perhaps it also requires that we publicly denounce those that embarrass our organizations.  

For every Rod Blagojevich, there is a fraternity man who lives the principles of his organization each day and makes all of us proud. In fact, there are thousands of them. Despite my misgivings about Brother Blago, I trust that they will win the day.